Letting Go

In this first week of no longer being a teacher, I have experienced a lot of energy clearing.

Stories and patterns attached to the role coming to surface for me to play with and I am appreciative for that.

How I know I made the "right" decision for me is that I didn't/don't miss it. I woke up on Thursday feeling a little weird that I didn't have to go to school. However, I don't feel sad that I am not there.

The thing I discovered and something that I am unraveling for myself is the creative expression opportunities that came with the role as well as the audience that was mostly eager to go on the adventures that I planned out. (I say mostly, because I have never been in a room of 20-25 students who 100% agreed on anything) In some ways, teaching became the easy button for my creative expression and at the same time, it dampened my creativity.

This past week I have been playing with some resistance around my business and digging into what that is about. Online business can sometimes feel daunting to me if I am being honest. I really do love creating connections with others and at the same time sometimes I need to not people. I am noticing sometimes there is excitement about business, nervous feelings about showing up consistently, and a little fear. (good thing my name means courage) And the fear comes from having fallen hard in the past. My brain is doing a good job protecting me this week.

The good news is, I am not nor ever could be that same person that fell really hard. I don't begrudge them, but I also acknowledge the growth they provided.

I am grateful to have pretty solid practices that can help me sit with this fear and other emotions I am processing. I have learned a lot of things over the years. The one that I keep bringing forth is transparency and vulnerability. Those things are important to me.

In the past what I noticed fucked with my energy tremedously was trying to pretend I was not feeling something when I was. The evolved me is able to sit with the feelings of fear or disappoinment or nervousness or social anxiety and be with it without total judgment. I mean, it's a practice. Shit, I am human, sometimes it feels hard to do and I slip, but I still love myself in the wobbly glide back to grace.

Lately, I have been feeling like hibernating. Not just because of the weather - because the weather doesn't really change here in Hawaii. My need for slight hibernation always comes at this time of the year. It is a tender two months with some birthdays of people who crossed over and deathaversaries of parents. So each year I honor my needs around those things.

And this year I am doing something different, which is talking about it and reaching out. Connecting with others while at the same time honoring my need to go within and create. And it has been bringing some really amazing opportunities for me.

This year is unique because I am fielding those yearly versaries as well as the collective energies of the unknown and the death of my identity as a teacher.

What I do know is that I am TRUSTING in Source and myself as I create what is next for me. And following the guidance/trusting my sacral each step of the way. *hence why you are reading this right now*

I can acknowledge and honor all the parts of myself.

That is something that teaching never afforded me. There is great pressure to put your "together" face on and show up even if you are falling apart inside. Time to shatter that habit.

Today I celebrate...

I celebrate the pulls to hibernate. I celebrate that last week I made a choice for myself that now I get to be wholly me. I took a stand for myself. I celebrate that I am honoring what I need, building my business around my self care, and accepting myself fully. I celebrate that I am connected to some really beautiful souls. I celebrate that I have no answers and I DO have my intuition, connection to the Akash, and faith in myself. I celebrate you for reading through this and sharing in these moments with me.

That's what is on my mind and heart today. Thanks for listening! Dre